Annabella

nineteen

 

 

 

 

In a morning rage of madness I decided the house must be cleaned,

there is a blizzard coming after all. 

Clearly no where in blizzard preparedness 101

does it say to clean the house,

but this house needed it

and I started having nightmares about no power and dirty rugs.

After semi Saturday night a large number of girls crashed here.

Since the boys are in Alabama now

we have tons of room for crashing and I love having them here! 

My vacuum is sooo not happy right now,

like literally the thing may never help me again.

We found exactly 19, yes nineteen hair pins on the rugs

in the living room and the crashing room …..

I sometimes forget the differences between raising

girls and raising boys.

But I can assure you that many a boy has crashed here over the years

after games, semi’s and proms but never have the vacuum and I found

nineteen hair pins!

xoxo

Vivian Found

This image is photographer Vivian Maier's, a street photographer from the

1950s - 1990s. Her work was discovered at an auction in Chicago where she resided most of her life. Her discovered work includes over 100,000 mostly medium format negatives, thousands of prints, and countless undeveloped rolls of film. She lived from 1926-2009. Her work and story has inspired me, brought tears to my eyes and touched my soul, all in about an hour since finding this through one of my favorite reads the Studio Fuller blog, thank you Dear Beth for linking this, I needed it today.

For more information on Vivian, her found work and the story please do yourself a favor and click to the Vivian Maier Her Discovered Work blog ... I so promise you will not be disappointed.

xoxo

broken

 

the quiet silence broken

only by random words

thoughts not able to be processed

dreams and reality twisted

into a state of utter confusion

my perspective from this chair

or on the bed beside her

another hospital stay

more tests, more questions, more waiting

the cancer is slowly deteriorating her very being

missing the details

Tomorrow one boy will be on the mound

Sunday another will be throwing

for the first time in 19 years I can’t be there

on the phone with them a few minutes ago

and the realization struck me

tears pooled in my eyes

my voice got shaky

I knew this was coming, knew when they chose this opportunity

that was so far from home

but today my heart knows

that this spring is going to be very different

instead of sitting, or pacing at a baseball diamond

I will be staring at my phone

waiting on news,

I will get the story but it’s the details,

the throw by throw emotion I will miss the most.

Damn raising children is tough . . .

starting over

 

I haven’t turned my back on life

on this quiet place

where my words are safe.

I’ve just jumped into a whole new world

and had to find my feet again.

My Mom is the same, no better but not really worse

My boys are twelve hours away, happy and thriving

My daughter is wonderful, we miss the boys together

My old corporate world career is gone. . .

Yes gone is my office, my desk, my very important papers

But I have a new desk,

actually my old little personal desk

in my old little nook of my house.

And I have a camera, a business plan and big dreams . . .

I may not change the entire world

but I AM changing MY world

This blog is my private place,

the place for just me and those who know about me here

I won’t talk about my new venture much here,

because one must have a refuge, a place to unwind. 

But for just this one time if you want to know what I’m up to

with this new jumping off the deep end dream I am here

thank you friends

Her Daddy’s World – Sittin Pretty

"She used to tie her hair up in ribbons and bows Sign her letters with X's and O's Got a picture of her mama in heels and pearls She's tryin to make it in her daddy's world An American girl" 

A country song, words that always make me sighwords that in my mind are woven into Deb's challenge Just Sit there and Look Pretty

It is not always easy being at work but wanting to be with your family but to just sit and look pretty isn’t in my blood, though there are moments, just whispers in time, that I wonder what it would be like.

XOXO

Looking back

Looking back on the summer reminds me of the photographs I love the most.

They aren’t the posed, we all look fabulous ones

They aren’t the light is perfect, background pristine ones

They are the we are LIVING life, Laughing, having Fun with friends ones.

They are the make you gasp as a Mom

because your baby looks grown up ones

I will continue to strive for perfect photography

but perhaps my definition of perfection

is a bit broader than some.

Perfection must include the soul.

xoxo

cleverly disguised

 

I had just watched my boys play what might be

their last game ever on Oklahoma soil.

A game I almost didn’t see

too tired, too much going on, too far away, take off work

but as always I did go, and I watched then I followed them home.

Through a stormy night disguised cleverly by a sky so beautiful

the danger is overshadowed by a seductive serenity.

life .. storm clouds visible .. live in the moment .. see the beauty

 

xoxo

Goodbye for now

I know we will still have a fling every now and then

for a day or two, or maybe more

but to the world we are done

at least for now

Goodbye summer

we have had some good times, made some great memories

and you know you are still always my favorite

just please don’t tell winter, spring and fall.

xoxo

inspired

This photo is courtesy of Deb via Emma Tree, a fabulous blog written by an old soul kind of girl whom I have never met but know for certain we would be friends if we did.

These 6 words are my challenge from Deb to get out of this sad, melancholy world I’ve been lurking in and find myself again, find my voice, reclaim my creative self.

If you are so inspired please read Deb’s words, and maybe join me in Jumping or if not Just Sit There and Look Pretty.

There is a deadline, just so ya know .. and a prize, as IF reclaiming personal creativity weren’t enough!

xoxo